Category Archives: Monty’s Tail

Mad dogs and Englishwomen

moonOnly mad dogs (Monty) and mad Englishwomen (clearly Margot) would leave the house just after 6am for a trek through a muddy wasteland.  A full moon this morning made me feel even more crazy than the villagers already think I am.  Mud mud mud everywhere.  I do promise dear Reader that I won’t bang on about the weather but we are beginning to feel as though we ought to have bought an ark rather than an old cottage  leaking under the pressure of days (weeks….months…..need I say more) of torrential rain.  Our sitting room ceiling has had a soaking and the bay window has the added glamour of being covered in a tasteful blue tarpaulin to allow for some drying out.  Fat chance!  With yet more rain on the cards, the wet dog and I have been forced to venture out for early morning walks as these days, Poppy (a demon of terrible twos), has taken to refusing to walk for more than 100 yards before sitting in the middle of the road, screaming to be carried.  All efforts to sit in a backpack have fallen by the wayside as she is now far too big for it and before you suggest it, dear Reader, getting her to hitch a ride in the buggy is a battle of wills which only the steeliest of grown ups could face.  I have more than a handful of times carried her on my hip for a mile whilst Monty pulls us along but quite frankly, that idea has now been binned as completely impractical too.  So walking in the dark before dawn is the only option the poor hound and I have left for now.  Donned in my finest garb (muddy boots, black beanie hat, one of Jerry’s old jumpers and even muddier jeans), I look a magnificent sight first thing in the morning, I can tell you.  The headlamp strapped to my head is an added style bonus (thanks Juniper for that Christmas pressie).  Usually I am up to the woods and round the village before being spotted.  However, not this morning.  A voice called out good morning from a muddy field (another mad Englishwoman with headlamp on tending to her horses in the field across the road) and I was forced to hold a conversation with no make up on and looking the picture of country glamour.  Note to self: Do not scare locals first thing with your ‘just got out of bed’ look.  Some things are better left unseen.

Wet dog

Is it true that dogs look like their owners?

I seem to spend my life looking like I have been dragged through a hedge backwards since we moved from town to country.  Gone are the days when I used to look into the wardrobe and find a pair of shoes and matching handbag for every outfit.  Footwear of choice these days?  The ever practical WELLINGTON BOOT.  Can be worn for any occasion I don’t doubt, dear Reader.  Lordy……just realised that I might just be morphing into Barbara – can’t remember the last time I wore a pair of heels (or shoes come to think of it) that weren’t covered in mud.

Jerry and I even trek to dinner parties in wellies – I say trek, more like stumbling on and off roadside verges yelling at the sight of headlights along the lane or wading across fields in the dark with a dodgy torch panicking about being eaten by foxes, badgers or the mythical village mountain lion.  (We still haven’t got the hang of not being able to call a taxi to get us home.  Why are there NO taxis in the countryside?)  Perhaps my new wardrobe saviour will be these little beauties from Rollasole?  Love the idea of having a pair of stylish flats curled up in my handbag (more likely the pocket of Jerry’s Barbour) ready to wear when I reach my destination!  How did I not know these existed?  Maybe I can persuade Jerry to buy me a pair in every colour…….

More mud anyone?

More mud anyone?

That was the week that was

My amazing birthday barbecue courtesy of Jerry and the girls

My amazing birthday barbecue courtesy of Jerry and the girls

Birthday celebrations (mine and Jerry’s), bank holiday, toddler getting up at 5am every day (east facing bedroom curse), Monty’s first puppy class, launch of his (and my) new monthly blog on NFU Countryside and a guest blog post for the Britmums Brilliance in Blogging award for Fresh Voice….that was the week that was.  Dear Reader, to be honest, I am still reeling from it all.  To add to the list of fab, fantastic and in the case of the 5am starts, downright frightful, I made a fatal error and did not put my brand new pair of shoes on the very top of the bookcase and they were instantly eaten by the Monster before he could be stopped.   I can report that in just one week, the wardrobe casualties are stacking up: 2 tunics, a chiffon dress, 1 pair of shoes and a beloved cardigan which now has pinholes in it.  Puppy teething?!  Pah!  We seem to have acquired a pup with the chewing skills of a beaver.  Nothing is safe!  I know, I know, how could I possibly be cross with this sweet little face…..?!

Here he is...the little shoe eating Monster.

Here he is…the little shoe eating Monster.

So passing on my TOP TEN tips for the first weeks of owning a furry toddler could not have been a more apt post for my Britmums Fresh Voice voting plea!  Between the children, dog and turning another year older, I found myself nearly at the bottom of the beautifully packaged bottle of Hendricks gin which my dear Papa so kindly gave me for my birthday!

Here are my handy hints if you missed them:

1) Reacquaint yourself with lack of SLEEP – coffee and Jerry’s dressing gown are my new best friends.  No sooner did Poppy start sleeping through, my nightly toddler escapades have now been replaced with standing in the garden in pyjamas, praying the neighbours can’t see me.

2) Explain to both toddler and dog that sharing is lovely but perhaps not when it comes to teething toys.

3) Do not buy any new shoes – dog will chew ONLY the new ones. (I am still mourning the loss of my floral pumps….)

Oh.......

Oh…….(she says weeping)

4) Buy a dog guard for the car – emergency stops on the A4 due to dog jumping from boot to back seats are best avoided!

5) Do not let husband to allow dog to sit on sofa. (My days of wearing black are over……..)

6) Try not to attempt to house train pup and potty train toddler at the same time.  Poppy now thinks a piddle outside (a la pooch) is an acceptable practice.

7) Hone your Mummy sixth sense in order to catch sneaky 4 year old feeding the dog at mealtimes.  Otherwise, you may find that dog enjoys mushrooms from Coq au Vin as well as puppy kibbles.

8) Remember children and dogs often suffer from temporary deafness……although that may just be in our household! You may find the investment of a whistle worthwhile…worked for Mary Poppins.

Taking the training seriously!

Taking the training seriously!

9) Do NOT leave your gin unattended at any point. Following that thought, definitely don’t forget to wash out a glass that puppy has found and licked, before serving your guest another drink from said glass! (Luckily my dear Papa has a very good sense of humour!)

10) And lastly….have your camera ready and drop everything to capture children and dog enjoying the simpler things in life together. Running through the long grass, chasing butterflies and setting up tea parties NEVER seemed as much fun before Monty came into our lives! After all, as Gerald Durrell, author of My Family and Other Animals, knew so well “A house is not a home until it has a dog.”

The full Britmums post can be read hereTonight at midnight marks the end of the voting for the Britmums Brilliance in Blogging awards and I can honestly say that I am still surprised I even made it this far.  Thank you again because when I started writing the blog in October, I truly believed that I would be writing posts that would drift off into ether and no one (except my Mamma and Jerry) would read them.  I am grateful to you, dear Reader so thank you thank you thank you for the follows, the comments, the encouragement and for the precious votes.  Gin and kisses to you all!  I promise ‘normal’ Margot capers shall resume next week!  Jerry has been badgering me to get on with crossing off some of the items on my to do list….

Oh and if you do fancy following Monty’s adventures on NFU Countryside, then look no further…..you can find his little paws here.

NOMINATE ME BiB 2013 FRESH VOICE
NOMINATE ME BiB 2013 LIFESTYLE

The New Arrival

Irresistible..!!!

Puppy Puppy Puppy!!!  After 8 weeks of waiting, we finally brought our scrumptious spaniel home last week, dear Reader!  Jerry, Poppy, Primrose and I stood on the doorstep for our first family photograph and it felt like we were bringing home another newborn baby!  So far Monty is proving to be every bit as gorgeous in temperament as he is in looks and doesn’t even mind when well meaning visitors ask if he is a Springer!  His first night went so well that Jerry and I were slightly worried that he wasn’t breathing.  I suddenly wished that we had bought a CCTV-style baby monitor so that I could check on him without having to go downstairs and wake the whole household.  The last pup to leave his mother, he had already spent one night on his own and after a long day’s play with our girls, he was so exhausted that took himself off to his bed inside his crate.  We didn’t hear a peep from him until we all got up at 6am the next morning (Jerry and I never get a lie in as Primrose and Poppy are the early to bed, early to rise sort of children……sadly).  There have been the piddles and puddles as we expected but he is pretty good at calling us to open the back door to be let out now.

He has also proved the perfect tonic for dearest Poppy who has been very ill, having caught the dreaded chickenpox, with infected spots and temperatures of seriously high proportions.  Not an inch of skin could be seen on her and she was unable to do much more than flop on the sofa and whimper just like a little pup.  In response to her obvious distress, Monty has licked her, let her snuggle down with him and even rest her head on his back – thus proving that a well known fact that dogs are extremely good therapy.

A trip to the vet and first jabs over and done with, we are now looking forward to the second jab when we can FINALLY take Monty out for a walk.  In the meantime, I have resorted to taking him out for a wander inside my coat so that he can begin to get used to all the sights and sounds of the Big Smoke as I push Poppy in her buggy.  I am not entirely sure why I received such strange looks……surely everyone carries a dog in their Barbour, dear Reader?!

Monty's first portrait!

Monty’s first portrait!

Alongside the Brilliance in Blogging awards shortlisting (which is fantastic and many many thanks to those of you who voted for me), I have some other exciting news to share this week, dear Reader.  This month will see the launch of Monty’s own blogging adventures and he and I will be sharing our puppy ups and downs as a monthly featured blog on the National Farmers Union’s Countryside website and magazine here so do look out for us!  The first installment will be published next week and Monty and I are looking forward to seeing our names in print – huge thanks to NFU Countryside for making it happen!

Monty and his cuddly pheasant

Monty and his cuddly pheasant

PS…..Being on the Britmums Brilliance in Blogging awards shortlist is truly marvellous and I cannot thank those of you who nominated me enough.  There are TONS of fantastic blogs on the list.  They all deserve a vote in my opinion and I am honoured to considered among them.  Do vote for your favourites at Britmums – I know I speak for all the bloggers when I say it means such a lot to us that you read and follow our capers! 

NOMINATE ME BiB 2013 FRESH VOICE
NOMINATE ME BiB 2013 LIFESTYLE

Spots, feathers and fowl!

Our indoory springtime!

Our indoory springtime!

Well what a week it has been!  Just when I thought that things were settling back down to normal, Primrose, after weeks and weeks of exposure at nursery, finally contracted chickenpox!  Spotty blisters all over her forced lockdown at the cottage and the girls and I tried to keep ourselves busy to help distract Primrose from feeling too itchy!  A whole week in quarantine was not easy and we were on the verge of madness on several occasions.  The girls and I painted, made egg box daffodils, constructed sets of Playmobil, baked and used a great deal of glitter and shiny sequins from Primrose’s Mister Maker box despite my innate control freakiness!  Most strange……we are never THAT crafty in our house!  Watching Primrose and Poppy playing really nicely together when they are usually at loggerheads over toys, I started to think that chickenpox had also delivered some sort of weird spell over the cottage.  It was at this moment that I had a brainwave….  Perhaps it was listening to too much of Bob the Builder’s mantra (brainwashing as Jerry likes to call it) of ‘Reduce, Reuse, Recycle’ or perhaps I was having one of those Jack Nicholson in One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest kind of moments, BUT I suddenly decided to test out my upholstery skills.  I know, I know, dear Reader, upholstery skills!  This, coming from the woman who was flummaxed for an hour when trying to set up her sewing machine, the same woman who made sewing on name tapes look like a marathon.  To cut a long story short, my Chesterfield sofa has been losing feathers at an alarming rate and more than one dinner party guest has received an unwelcome pinch of the bottom so something had to be done and sooner rather than later!  The plan: to make a new inside cover to stop the feathers from spilling it.  A challenge but I thought that with my dear Mamma’s help, I might just be able to have a good go at it.  Apparently it is never a good idea to attempt such things unless one has experience……..

I promise no chickens, ducks or geese were harmed in the mending of this cushion!

I promise no chickens, ducks or geese were harmed in the mending of this cushion!

I don’t think that I have seen my lovely Mamma laugh for that long in some time!  I have to admit it was very funny, dear Reader.  The kitchen looked more like a chicken plucking factory than an upholsterers and at some point whilst I was sewing the seams on the new inside covers, my mother did question why I hadn’t paid the £80 to have them done professionally!  I blame the Great British Sewing Bee for encouraging one and all to sew……let’s face it some of us just do not cut the mustard!  A few hours later, some wonky lines of sewing courtesy of the machine (a bad workmen always blames his tools) and a lot of wheezing (turns out I had inhaled rather a lot of dander), my cushions were all sewn up and the cushions could go back on.  Mission accomplished but I do think that if they go again, I might just take them to the shop up the road to have them properly upholstered!  I can’t see the stitches holding for long…

Luckily for all at Margot and Jerry HQ, a phonecall from Barbara saved the house from further making do and mending inspired Margot moments!  An offer to save us from chickenpox chaos, swapping spots for real chickens, freshly baked scones, scrumptious kitchen suppers and a dose of good old countryside air!  Heaven!  Weekends with Tom, Barbara and their darling boy are as restorative as a delicious cup of tea…..made in a teapot of course.  (Barbara and I berrated Tom over breakfast for using a single teabag in a cup to make the morning brew – not at all the same!)  Having introduced us to her new brood of hens, a rather attractive set of ladies, Primrose, Poppy and I were talking of henkeeping all the way home, much to Jerry’s bemusement!  A wonderful way to end the Easter holidays.

Not a chickenpox spot in sight....

Not a poxy spot in sight….

Primrose firmly on the mend, it turns out that Poppy has now caught the pox….  Another week of quarantine but at least we have the prospect of our new little chap to keep us going.  Only another 3 more days until we bring him home!  (Not at all overexcited, dear Reader….)!

Our sweet little Monty...counting down the hours now!

Our sweet little Monty…counting down the hours now!

New man in my life

A little country something for my new man

Country puppy essentials

Dear Reader, I think that it would be fair to say that I have not slept a wink in the last week.  I have been simply TOO excited about the house and our move.  Getting back to normal every day life has proven quite tricky after the whole house buying Easter weekend and Jerry and I keep pinching ourselves about the whole thing.  As if moving to the countryside wasn’t enough to get our heads around, my new man arrives on the 20th!  Don’t worry dear Reader, I have not traded Jerry in…. I am referring to our little pup.  A rather handsome young chap in the shape of a working cocker spaniel.  Meeting him for the first time on Good Friday was absolutely wonderful and it was love at first sight for all of us.  Poppy was utterly smitten with all the pups in the litter and even lay down with them on their bed.  Very sweet indeed!

Wanting to be completely prepared, the girls and I have been very busy buying puppy essentials: honking pheasant toy, clicker, whistle, pheasant print bed, puppy food and so on.  Hilariously, one can even purchase a baby carrier type affair for pooches and a DOGGY PRAM no less!  I promise, I resisted those!  I did discover, however, all manner of wonders at Muddy Paws and a new favourite for all things hound and country at Dog and Dobbin.  I think that I am likely to get completely carried away with the puppy accessories before long, both for dog and home.  Don’t tell Jerry!  Primrose wanted to purchase a tweed overcoat for the dear boy.  This was after steering her away from pink leads and anything encrusted in diamanté.  The coat was rather stylish but I do draw the line at dressing up dogs.  The poor hound must be allowed to walk the country paths with some dignity!

Taking the training seriously!

Taking the training seriously!

I have also been frantically reading up on training and am armed with heaps of newspaper for the inevitable piddle puddles.  Jerry and I have debated what we will say when we take him out for a pee.  The puppy book says “Busy”….  I really can’t imagine saying that so I thought “Whizzy whizz”.  Jerry has bluntly refused to say anything “that ridiculous” and thinks that “Go and have a wee” should suffice.  At time of going to press, I can inform you, dear Reader, that no compromise had been reached.

I was going to wait until the 20th to introduce him to you but honestly, I am awful at keeping things to myself and I am just bursting with excitement.  So here he is.  Introducing Montague, the new man in our lives.  Monty for short.

monty1

Monty, the sweetest handsomest fellow.

 No doubt there will be many adventures in the countryside with this little man, dear Reader.

The perfect spring cover for Shooting Times. Surely!

The perfect spring cover for Shooting Times. Surely!